Let there be men

Boys are born,where do men come from though? 

What makes a man a man?

We focused too much on girls we forgot about the boy child

Yet,we blame men for not being manly enough

Most men were raised more by mom than by dad

So they were bound to be a gentle soul with a big heart

But a man is supposed to be ‘macho’ all hard like steel

Being soft is same as being weak,they said

The world is for the bold,not the meek ,they said

Mwanaume ni effort,they said

So I made effort to be the man society spoke of

Sadly like most people, I didn’t grow up with much of role models

Hiphop celebrities were my models but I didn’t like them much

Why?because mama said put some respect on everybody

But hiphop did the opposite and treated ladies like a nobody

I turned to rnb because at least they glorified women

But I was labelled a ‘sissy’ for my playlist 

Too romantic,too soulful to be a real man

Girls are a weird lot too because those I treated well

Didn’t appreciate it but they loved guys who are assholes 

I remember once when i was around 7 I was called a real man

Because I pulled out my milk teeth without flinching

Then the teenage years came by and so did the gonads

To be a real man I now had to have a girlfriend or three to my name

Just like a smokie ad, one is never enough

Things escalated quickly to having to bed them too

The pastors were also on my neck saying that 

A real man will wait for marriage before having sex

A real man only has eyes for one woman,faithful

A real man reads the word of God regularly and prays

Decisions decisions…

When did things cease to be in black and white

And gray came along?

Be a man,

Throw a punch,take tequila without being a puss

Be an engineer,doctor ,captain. Nurse? I think I’ll pass

Being broke and jobless makes you less of a man

Be cold, aloof,emotionless, man of steel

Definitely don’t cry.real men don’t cry

Don’t talk too much , chatterbox

Don’t get too attached and sure as hell don’t fall in love

I wish there were a guidebook or a manual

Or atleast society stop labelling what a man is or isn’t

Let me define manhood for myself 

Because a man is me and I am a man

We can’t all be the same,I’m in my own lane

Let me be a man, with or without a cane
Copyright ©paulzay™ 2017

Fortune Series 1 : plus+

I met her in late November
When we started talking is a bit hard to remember
Notwithstanding she set fire to my cold dying ember 
I’ll be quick to say I wasn’t thinking with my member
All I wanted to do was give her loving that was tender
I had no evil plans or intentions or a hidden agenda
the problem was that she wasn’t mine for the taking
Having been down that road before, I knew I was headed for aching
But I was a moth drawn towards her beautiful flame
I couldn’t resist,I wanted her ,no regrets no shame
If I were a sir ,I wanted her to be my dame
But she didn’t even know my middle name
That didn’t matter, I still liked her all the same
The way she talked it was like nothing I’d heard before
I wanted to hear more ,to beg her for more
And I did beg,subtly of course and she would comply,
Smiling like she knew something I didn’t
Then one day she gave me an even more subtle hint
She slipped her hand into mine,fingers intertwined , being quite calm
I didn’t get it until day three when she was doodling on my palm
And my brain finally caught on with what the heart already knew
As a scout my motto is to always be prepared but this was new
I was both excited and deathly terrified of the prospect
Thinking I was just as slick, I pretended I wasnt responsible for what would come next
The playing fingers became holding hands became sitting closer
And before I knew it,I was in hugs that I didn’t want to end,no Sir
I mean, if i were a fish I’d say she got me hook,line and sinker
I was no pan but she made me fly like Peter and she was my Bell, Tinker

Copyright © PaulZay™ 2017

Of love & other drugs pt3

Sio ati amenikataa lakini pia hajasema ndio

Ju  ametoka bara sitaki kumpeleka mbio

Moyoni nadai kumwambia ‘jaber tim piyo’

Yani mrembo harakisha unizimie kisha 

Uwe my Cole like Keysha hata Kama budako anatisha

Hakuna mwingine nataka katika hii maisha

Nataka mi na we tuwe pamoja’ . 

Najua hapo atasema ‘kaka, ngoja

Sitaki mwanaume amejaa pomoni na vioja

Na Kama wako mimi sio nambari moja

Kuwa Jonny walker, endelea kutembea’

Niko na mafua ya mapenzi na ye ndio tembe ya

Kunitibu.sisemi mi ni yesu lakini nimemkufia 

Six months down the line bado box hajaingia

Nilimuuliza Kama anatuona pamoja katika siku za usoni

Akasema ye haeziona mbali bila miwani usoni

Hata Kama subira huvuta heri naona ni heri

Nimwambie maze kwaheri na nakutakia kilalaheri 

Penzi lako ni bahari nafaa kuvuka na sina feri

Nitazama. Nikimtazama naskia sauti ya mama

Ikisema nisichoke kukazana hata kama amenikaza na 

Kamba shingoni niendelee kusimama Kama mlinzi mlangoni

Siku za mwizi ni arubaini na vile ameiba moyo wangu nina tumaini

Siku zake zinakaribia kuisha nitamshika na sitaachilia bila kubaini

Kuwa hanipendi kwa kipimo kilekile au yeye ni gaidi

Wa mapenzi na kila uchao ninavyozidi kumuenzi

Napiga dua neno pendo ataligeuza kuwa kitenzi
Copyright Paul Zay 2017

Flames 2: sidebar

I’ll admit it,you caught my eye and I looked

You were my first dose of heroin and I got hooked

But I got tired of staring and my eyelids drooped

Because though my heart is stupid,my mind cannot be duped 

Meeting you got me a seemingly unquenchable yearning

But the spark doesn’t keep the flame burning

Beyond the dazzling smile do you have more to offer?

Beneath your curves that leave an imprint on the sofa

Is there anything worth writing home about

Or are we going to be knocked out in the first bout

I am not a rebel but with you I had to flout

All my codes and principles because you had clout

In my brain.but once the dust settles will this zing

Still be there or will I be howling at the pain from the sting

After realizing that what stung me wasn’t the love bug

Some of us can’t fall in this hole called love and even

When we’re unfortunate enough to do so, we climb out

Because sooner or later we realize that it was just infatuation

That the base of the pit lacked a strong foundation

When we talk,can we have an endless conversation

For hours barely noticing the passage of time

When our hearts beat, do they do so in sync,do they rhyme

When we stare into each other’s soul

Do we realize that we should not be alone,sole

Is there more to us than just holding hands

And stealing kisses while listening to my favorite bands

Are we doing a fling or are we in it for the long haul

Tell me now so I can see the light like St Paul

The chase is fun and all but it eventually gets old

I’ll run,then jog,walk and finally pull up and stop to rest

And just like that, you no longer hold my interest

It’s not that the grass is greener on the other side

It’s that I’m trying to water us and we’ve already died
Copyright ©paulzay 2017

Gratitude : The 2016 Wrap up

Nashukuru Mungu huu mwaka umeisha

Ilikua ngumu lakini hata mapepo njia walinipisha 

Maadaui waliwasha kiberiti ndio wanichomee picha 

But I’m positive I always see a half full pitcher

So life ilikua tu tamu tena sana 

Nimebaki church nikiimba tu hosanna

To give thanks and praise to the most high 

For the blessings  and challenges without asking why

Ju ananijali so haeziniacha na shida siwezani

Sijawaikosa kitu,always kuna food mezani

I don’t need weed to get high ju ananiinua

From one glory to another and his mercies are always newer

Every morning 24/7 365 bila fail

Hakuna day nimegonjeka nikawa frail

Of course nimego off-course but amenirudisha kwa the trail

Amenisamehe dhambi akanifanya the head not the tail

My life he has sustained all year long plus tangu

Aniandalie meza mbele ya wale watesi wangu 

Wameshindwa waseme nini kunihusu 

Especially ule Judas alini-betray na busu

I went from walking through the valley of the shadow of death

To walking through the valley of the shadow of wealth

Hata ninjas can’t touch me with their level of stealth

Maombi zimejibiwa zote utadhani zilikua maswali

My spirit has always been rising(rice-ing) utadhani wali

Mi na Andy mburu tunafaa kutoa remix ya ananijali

Vile tu naskia kutoa shukrani ju ya the way amenipenda

Alisema atakuwa na mimi na hajawainitenda

 the beginner and ender of all things pia ni airbender

Ame-calm the storms in my life ju kwake nime-surrender

Sa ni mbinguni tu ndio nategea kuenda

Na kuingia 2017 with a customized kalenda

Of events Ju for my life already God has set the agenda

Copyright ©paulzay 2016

Loose ends

We were a perfect match me and you

Maybe that’

s why we burned out so fast

Thought we’d be stuck together like glue

Instead we lost sight of the first

Love that we had for each other

And let it become more of a bother

It is alarming how quickly we both ceased 

To care for each other as we were both seized

By life’s hustle and bustle 

And robbed our relationship of the muscle

Or rather the tendons that held us together 

Slowly the vultures started to gather

When they saw our impending death

They waited eagerly with bated breath

Because although We definitely were a perfect fit

Like the size 6 tommys for your little feet

What we had was merely a skeleton, no meat

Unfortunately neither of us saw the need to meet 

The other half way and fill the the chasm

That got larger with each violent spasm

Of our dying hearts. Now I’m preparing our eulogy

We’ve done this twice already,now it’s a trilogy

Whoever said love makes the world go round

Should know our earth stopped spinning and the ground

Is where we’re at  cz we fell from cloud nine

Drunk in love no more,now it is cheap wine

To drown away  our sorrows and misery

That loves our company but why so remains a mystery

Does the fact that it hurts mean we still care

or do the tears on our pillows say we shouldn’t dare 

Try again. though we glittered,turns out we weren’t gold

But had we known that ,would we have been bold

Enough to jump into uncharted waters 

With sharks nipping at our hind quarters?

It is better to have loved and lost

Than not to have loved at all like most

People. Loving is expensive and we paid the cost

By sacrificing our friendship just to be more

Than friends. Here we are,eyes red,puffy and sore

From weeping all night as if we were mourning.

Pain lasts the night but joy comes in the morning.

It was good while it lasted, We had a good run

But it’s time to say goodbye,time to end the fun

Though you Won’t always be my baby, Mariah Carey 

Just know that my heart you will always carry.

Copyright ©paulzay 2016

soul gazing

I heard that the eyes were the window to the soul

So I grabbed a chair and held her hand in mine and I looked

Into her windows like a peeping Tom 

As I tried to understand a beautiful being that I couldn’t fathom

Her eyes were magnificent like the stained glass at the cathedral

Her eyes hid a million mysteries behind the veil of her cathedral

As I stared into her bottomless eyes I felt like I was falling

I may be crazy but my name her soul was calling

Her eyes had their own gravity and I was drawn in

And  transfixed , a captive of her mighty force

We didn’t say anything,we didn’t need to

In the silence our hearts talked in their own language

Things that the brain couldn’t make the mouth say,

The fingers couldn’t write and the ears couldn’t hear

What was being shared.the depth of the moment

Could not be documented but the silent communication

Caused ripples that turned into mighty waves of overwhelming emotion

That couldn’t be contained in our hearts but poured out relentlessly,

Eager to be embraced by the other. Love was in the water

And I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to hold my breath

So I drowned in her love. It flowed into every crevice in my soul

And drenched me through and through I was soaking wet

With her love. Oh it was a beautiful death and I wanted to die a thousand 

Times in the same manner. With our fingers intertwined ,

Staring into her eyes and losing myself in its vastness

Her eyes were the holy grail into which my soul poured into

Her eyes made me sing hallelujah

And soar above the mountains like an eagle

Her eyes were the first thing I looked for when I entered a room

When we locked eyes,a piece of the puzzle fell in place

The bigger picture became clearer than day

As we gazed into each other’s soul

We couldn’t draw apart even if we wanted to

The magical zing electrified the air around us

Charging it up with energy from the universe

That conspired to bring us together in that very moment

Time stood still, the earth’s plates stopped shifting for a moment

 The strings of fate and destiny paused weaving our future for a moment

Because at that very moment,everything was perfect

All was right with world for that small moment

The heavens opened up and bathed us with its glorious light

And we saw ,we saw infinity .we saw the Weaver’s hands 

Our faces radiated  as we  achieved the perfect state of nirvana

Copyright ©paulzay 2016